I recently came to a realization that we all live in a hope of someday. We push away our work, our best dresses, our deepest desires, our hidden feelings, our decisions to an imaginary someday. We are so habitual of taking our life for granted that we believe we are going to live through everything. But, life is known to throw us off our feet often. We all make different plans, to-do lists, and bucket lists. Then we slide them in the back of our mind with a thought of achieving them one day. Someday.
We hesitate to take the first step, to say the first word, to write the first sentence, to open that door, to meet the first client, to approach the person, to send that mail, to take that course, to take that trip, and to do anything which is unfamiliar to our monotonous life. In other words, we are afraid to do anything that takes us outside our comfort level. Whenever someone mentions comfort level and how we should never be comfortable, I feel a pang of guilt deep inside my heart. I listen a voice ringing in my ears that I have always been comfortable in my life, never planning to take the rough road. However, I seldom choose to ignore the voice and divert my attention to something else. Cognitive dissonance. Even writing about it is making me cringe internally. I don’t know since when I became so afraid to take my chances. But, I always feel my stomach churning painfully whenever I take a step towards some new direction. My hands become shaky and my mind keeps repeating, “Everything will be fine.”
That is why I leave most of my decisions to someday. To subdue that feeling of edginess. To give a false hope that everything is still on the same track and there is no need to change that track. But, this time my inner voice overcame my hesitations. I noticed that we, as much as we will like to, can’t live forever. We do not have all the time in the universe. We would never know when our time is up and we will still be clinging to our bucket list. Well, everyone dies with their to-do list, but that doesn’t mean that we should not accomplish some of the things as soon as we can.
Each step we take, we believe we are going to live through that. Why is that so? Because we think that everything will remain the same way it is. However, we may never get a second chance to strike off the things from our list. We are not sure about the next 10 seconds, then how can we plan for tomorrow? Life is going to get us, sooner or later. It will be better to see some things accomplished.
I know, probably after a month or so, I will fall back to the same old manners. I will again start living in the past or daydreaming about the future rather than being in present. But, old habits will die hard. I will try to avoid the previous road as long as I can. Even if I drift away, I will try to find my way back. At least, I will try.